What's in a name?
The name behind the blog is multi-faceted (much like myself in my paradoxical glory). The fairly obvious basis, is that to most people that who know me, I am simply “T”. Tea. I have always enjoyed a good cup of tea and what could be better than catching up with your best girl friend(s) over a cup of hot tea. It gives me all the feels just thinking about late nights, sharing scandalous stories, over a cup of tea. The simplicity and comfort in it.
So I invite you to have a cup of tea with me, as I spill it!
On a deeper level: as a petite woman I have always felt a little insecure about my lack of physical stature. It might seem strange to some as this shouldn't be a big deal or reason to feel much“different" when comparing social norms of acceptance and validation as we tend to do in our youth however, when you are always the shortest person in the room; when you meet someone for the first time (or even the 8th) and are greeted with an exclamation of how short you are (as if I lived my whole life unaware of this staggering fact); and there is always someone making a [short] joke at your expense – it tends to impact the way you view yourself through the eyes of others, and more importantly how you feel about yourself. Being singled out for this made me feel like I wasn’t like the other girls (which at the time seemed a fate worse than death - dramatic much?). But I was “different” and this difference was what I naturally deduced as being inferior. Less-than. Literally. To compensate, I started the jokes before anyone else did. If I laughed first, it wouldn’t hurt so much, right? To over compensate I got a bad attitude about it – because dynamite comes in small packages so I had to be nasty to prove a point before (hopefully) anyone would make 'jokes' at my expense.
Why am I telling you about my minor insecurities?
Well, this inferiority complex led to a lot of bad decisions in my search for acceptance and validation. In all the wrong places. One such bad decision, told me that I was “slightly intense” in an effort to dissuade my affections – which definitely wasn’t meant to be taken as complimentary. Another trait of Tanisha is that there are no half measures (ironic in the context?). It is both a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply. This haunted me for a good while afterward as I was not at a point in my life where I had accepted all that I was and all that I brought to the table. I felt the need to shrink myself down, to not be “too much” - which was the real irony because I felt like this perception of me meant I was “not enough”. How many times have we questioned our value based on someone else’s reception of who we are? It still amazes me how much power we readily (and gladly) hand over to others – but that is a topic for another day or blog post.
After a lot of soul searching, surrounding myself only with people that appreciated all that I have to offer, and finally accepting [and learning to love] who I am, I realised that:
I am enough.
I love hard.
I am full of sunshine and compassion.
I am not afraid of the truth.
I am loyal and adventurous.
I am kind.
I genuinely want to make this world a better place.
I make mistakes and I grow from them.
I realised that while I might not be everyone’s cup of tea… I am surer now, than ever – that if I am too much for you, you were never enough for me.
A cup of T anyone?
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