I mentioned in an earlier post how starting my blog was an uphill mental struggle past self-doubt and the question of being worthy enough. While knowing I wanted a platform to have a voice, questioning whether what I had to say was valuable, whether anyone would want to hear/read what I had to say and overcoming the fear of criticism and reception. I won’t lie, with every post published since its inception, I have been wrecked with anxiety about how my written words would be received. By family and friends and strangers alike. Despite the overwhelming support and encouragement I received, I found myself still doubting whether I should pursue this journey, especially when I found myself in the inevitable Social Media rabbit hole of "comparing".
And although I started my blog as an outlet, for ME, a space for me to share my thoughts and opinions and impart whatever wisdom I might have gained through lessons learned by making many mistakes, I naturally also wanted to gain a following. That’s the whole point right? That someone out there might benefit from my blog posts. There’s a saying that goes something like “if a tree falls in a forest and there is no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" It is a philosophical thought experiment that raises questions regarding observation and perception. It is a question of whether objects could continue to exist without being perceived.
Can something exist without being perceived by consciousness?
I could go on and on debating the different philosophical perspectives on this but the parallel I am trying to draw is questioning whether my blogs would have any meaning if they did not reach and impact a real audience.
So a few posts in I started feeling anxious about how many followers I had, how many visits my site had, checking my insights (still not really sure what this even means) and then of course... my likes.
Social Media is such a fickle thing. I can post a picture of my face and receive countless likes but if I post something meaningful or something that I actually out a lot of effort into, this is scrolled right by. We have come to believe that online presence is only meaningful if you have 10 000+ followers and broader reach. And yet many of those pages also only get about 10% feedback. Videos and IG stories with hundreds of views but zero likes or shares. Which also reminded me that people might not like what you do but they will still watch. But now I was even more anxious: what was I doing wrong? How can I grow my following? I had done everything they said to do in the webinars I watched preparingfor this! I wasn’t merely spewing content for the sake of it but hopefully creating content that was real, relatable and authentically me.
So what was I doing wrong?
I started noticing how many followers other influencers and bloggers had, studying their content, trying to establish HOW they got this right. Which could be a positive thing in terms of inspiration or blog planning effectively. However it was bringing me down more than anything – again, I began doubting what I had to bring to the table and why it would interest people [over these other influencers]. Which is the absolute worst box I could put myself in. The thing that we often fail to realise, whether in relation to Social Media or business – is that there literally is enough for everyone! There is space for everyone and there is opportunity for everyone. This does not have to be at the cost of another or in place of another. And honestly guys, I know there are memes and jokes about influencers but the actual dedication and hard work it takes to be what is defined as a “successful influencer” in this digital age is actually insane. Having studied these profiles I can say without a doubt that it takes HARD WORK. Which is also something I realise I have not put in and I need to earn my stripes with.
Side note: High pressure career demands coupled with the lock-down blues has recently left me so exhausted that I haven’t stuck to all the blog planning I initially put together and motivation has seriously lacked despite knowing, going in, that consistency would be key. So really, after a handful of posts what was I even feeling anxious/complaining about?!
The thing about anxiety though is that it creates a vicious cycle of toxic thoughts that instead of motivating you to do something to change the outcome to your desired state, you convince yourself that any action would be worthless in any event and get sucked into a hole of just… doing nothing. Because... why bother?
Despite acknowledging that I have neither put in the time or effort that is required to gain a following and larger presence on Social Media, and despite repeating to myself the mantra of “give it time, you are just starting, find your feet and then you can fly”, all the self-doubt, second guessing if I should keep on with it, and most importantly the most toxic result of Social Media: questioning whether my insights were a reflection or insight into MY value, came rushing back. Because that’s how we, in 2020 discern value right? Likes. Follows. It’s the reason Instagram removed the like counts feature that allowed others to see how many likes a post had - to curb this culture of likes and associated value. Their explanation was literally that they removed the number of "likes" visible on posts for users to decrease competitive pressure among users.
I like to call this phenomena: comparison culture. The vortex that most users get sucked into, which has set the platform and standard for perceived value in a reality experienced wholly online.
On the topic of perceived value [and mental health], I recently heard that a very popular Twitch streamer committed suicide. He was best known for his “World of Warcraft” streams and had over 936,000 followers. People subscribed to his channel and literally PAID him to stream/play games. From what I have heard and read, he was really really good! Sounds like the dream, right? And yet, despite this enormous following, seeming value (based on the numbers of course) and what our generation would perceive as unbridled success, he still struggled with depression. So much so, that despite all of the followers, the virtual value and apparent success he took his own life due to whatever demons he was struggling with. Look, I have no idea what his truth was or why he did it, but my point is that no amount of likes could help battling depression. So really, this system we use to defer value seems inherently superficial and unreliable. This does not equate to happiness or fulfillment and this is probably why so many of us feel unfulfilled at the end of the day – because we are resting our ideals on something that will never ever BE fulfilling. It is quite literally, not possible.
Behind the filters and TikTok chuckles we all have a story, a journey - and we need something real to anchor us in this very real world. That was a really important and necessary reminder to me. I know it’s hard in the times that we live in, to be true to ourselves and place value on characteristics rather than statistics. To not compare. But I really hope that when in doubt you will also remember (as I hope I do) that, your value is not based on likes or shares or followers that have created a false sense of security of our place in this world. You deserve to be your most free and authentic self and – say it with me:
Your value is not decreased by the inability of others to recognise your worth!
Which brings me back to the tree in the forest – I am part of the school of thought that views the answer from a philosophical viewpoint, not from a purely scientific one. Sound would still travel in accordance with proven quantum physics – the question of whether any one was around to hear/perceive it is completely separate. This is a question of perception. The answer to the question depends on the definition of sound - much like, how we define value validating whether truly valuable or not. In a world where validation is rested on likes and the superficial - remember what your true value is.
"to be is to be perceived"
Einstein once asked, do you really believe that the moon only exists if you look at it?
I was reminded of what my ultimate goal is and that if I reach even one person who related to my reflections... that means my presence in this virtual world made an impact and not simply for posting a pretty picture and collecting likes. Let's not substitute physical success for online validation. Let's not forego making an impact in our real and actual environment. I will do everything possible to do and to be better and to stay true to myself on this journey.
If you think that having 100 followers is a small amount of people, think about being in a room with 100 people. Now think about it again.
The irony that I’m posting this on Social Media is not lost on me - especially if you double tap.
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